archives for February 2004
today’s top ten reasons why I adore mandarin
Thursday 26 February 2004 | I like a cookie
10. When I drag myself to the PO hoping for a parcel from the Film Critic, and there isn’t one, she has sent me New Yorker clippings in an envelope decorated with Southwestern state postage stamps on the front, and Rubens and van Gogh themed credit card stickers on the back. 9. Though she’s as [...]
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“since 2004, 3898 people have felt a bit…unconventional”
Thursday 26 February 2004 | I like a cookie
James Spader [agitated]: Look, we can’t do this twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week! Maggie Gyllenhaal [defiant]: Why not?! And that’s all I really have to say for now, having just seen Secretary. [Though here is something, unappeallingly called a little submissive girl's journey—yet at this point any information is better than none. [...]
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ooh, aah—that’s how it always starts—
Tuesday 24 February 2004 | I like a cookie
“—but then later there’s the running…and the screaming….” (Jeff Goldblum as the redoubtable Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park II) I am enraged to discover that Mandarin’s spouse hasn’t been sufficiently fixated on her, but instead indulging in some nonsense with an evil orc-chick. How could he?! I am perishing with concern and vast somethingness [...]
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I’m not dead yet
Friday 20 February 2004 | I like a cookie
We don’t lose everyone. We don’t, we don’t, we don’t! [stamps foot, faery-like in great fierce denial, wild insistent no-no-no-ness, I don't hate the South!] And that’s what CDs and the Library of Congress and the American Film Institute are for. That’s why I have to find three or four weeks soon to visit Texas [...]
but who is kman?
Wednesday 18 February 2004 | I like a cookie
I don’t know why I find his response to penis spam so funny, but I have to admit, I choked on my tea at some parts. I wound up on kman’s site via the quotes page, cos it had something from The English Patient on it. It’s worth backing out and surfing around, perhaps even [...]
I’ve been a bad, bad girl
Monday 16 February 2004 | I like a cookie
I’ve been careless with a delicate man, pace Fiona (she of the hundred-word album title, probably an idea stolen from Finnegans Wake). Schießenhauer, as Holger and I used to say. At university we made up ridiculous faux-Teutonic swears. Schitzenmeister. (And his fiancée called him her Necktie, because to them the English word “husband” sounded like [...]
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gay vampire porn
Thursday 12 February 2004 | I like a cookie
I believe that, in this land of opportunity, everyone should have access to gay vampire porn, goddammit! Further, how can you not like a site called Bad Fanfic! No Biscuit!You know, the more I think about it, the more certain I feel that JD Salinger slash must already exist somewhere—Muriel/Seymour? Zooey/Buddy (shippers)? Walt/Waker? Or what [...]
did someone say privacy?
Tuesday 3 February 2004 | I like a cookie
These poor bastards. Of course I immediately entered my zip code but apparently we have no sex offenders in Tesuque. Please don’t ask why my sympathy is with the convicted, even when I’ve just read that one menacing-looking white guy has an identifying tattoo reading “Flaming Bitch.” I’ve decided there is no such thing as [...]
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me fail english? that’s unpossible!
Tuesday 3 February 2004 | I like a cookie
Of course most of North America, especially all of us without no television, is currently online hoping to glimpse Ms. Jackson half-disrobed. Most disappointing! I’ve seen more tit in a Montgomery Ward tractor ad. And also Mr. Timberlake is not a worthy bodice-ripper (oh, of course it wasn’t a wardrobe accident, otherwise she wouldn’t have [...]
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save me, jeebus!
Sunday 1 February 2004 | I like a cookie
As we wrote to Mandarin: You are so kind to read my demented messages about the great mucky puddle of longing and not laugh at me. Of course I love you more, Great Goddess Toad-Calling Coon Cat that you are. Now to attack and destroy several pernicious myths with the skillful deployment of italics and [...]
