and that’s an order
Friday 21 May 2004 | I like a cookie
Everyone must immediately obtain and read Eats, Shoots and Leaves—and procure it for anyone else for whom you’ve ever cared, as well. If I could afford it, Mandarin and M. and N. and the Film Critic and the Librarian (Good Lord, who are all these people) and even the Lascivious Former Boss would all have had their own copies as of day before yesterday. As would an otherwise dear former coworker, who insists on pointlessly punctuating her emails as teeth-grittingly follows:
So I said to her, gimme’ some of them apostrophes.
I sorta’ pretended it was okay but I didn’t really wanna’ read any further.
That’s just what she’s like, so what are you gonna’ do?
Mindless, mind-numbing, crazy-making punctuation. I would have (woulda’) written Ms. Truss about this but we share too much fellow-feeling, the strange sympatico of like-minded strangers; it would only hurt her, poor dear, who stood under the movie marquee in protest, holding a giant apostrophe aloft to correctly complete the film title, Two Weeks’ Notice.
[But my favorite response: a segregationist sign in New York somewhere, reading aggressively but ignorantly, “Nigger’s out.” A cheeky soul wrote underneath, ominously: “Yes, but he’s coming back….”]
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