the rent is due today
Thursday 18 January 2007 | I like a cookie
And I am utterly done in by today and by everything in it, unexpectedly (though it is horrible cloudy). Daunted by a) having no money, b) having no work, or more accurately having work I don’t do, c) the prospect of getting work which will give me money while simultaneously requiring me to put on nice pants and make a bag lunch every day, and also d) the fact that while I successfully used one credit card to pay off another, it somehow happened three days after it was supposed to, and now I have yet another $39 late fee on the card I was trying to get rid of. How do things like this happen to a grown woman? This is not the midlife I ordered. I am not only thusly demoralized but also mysteriously exhausted and therefore I am, “& why not,” going back to bed even though it’s 4 pm. Conveniently, I am still wearing the sweatpants I slept in. (Some might argue this is a detail pertinent to my lack of success as a self-employed author.) Perhaps I’ll venture out to check the post before I retire. Or perhaps not. These cold grim days it seems all I can do to answer email and phone calls and then do some small thing, like part of a resume (started cover letter for the O’Keeffe job) or, as I also managed to do today, editing a French translation for that bloody MLA book which is allegedly finally going to be published. And I wrote the Physicist begging for the rest of my unofficial alimony settlement, which was a fairly traumatic epistle for me (and perhaps for him too), after which I spontaneously sent him a flurry of doleful mp3s. He mentioned in his last email that he’d been seeing someone but now isn’t, and is “moping”; I was, inappropriately enough, thrilled. Then I wrote a story in my head where she left him because All you do is think about your ex-wife and what are you doing giving her money and I’m sick of it! Then she slams the door and leaves. The Brujo laughed at my story. But I love making up stories. The only problem is that I also find them all too credible.
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