get it while you can
Thursday 22 March 2007 | I like a cookie
Simon Rich’s brilliantly conceived bit in the NYer, the one that had Mandarin and I choking with hilarity last night. Aw, forget it, I’m jacking it:
A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table.
MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
DAD: O.K.
GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.
DAD: We all are.
MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
MOM: There was a big sex.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I’m crazy!
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.
And such a nice letter from the program chair at San Diego that I briefly wonder if I did the right thing…but a thousand dollars a semester! Hardly enough to keep me in cat kibbles. Still…the beach not taken momentarily beckons.
Thanks for your letter. You are a splendid poet. And, I am sure you will continue to write well in any program you choose to join. I wish you the best of luck and may your writing hand be blessed.
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