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shameless acts of bribery

Monday 2 July 2007 | someone left a cookie

absorbs beautifullyIn order to get myself to work at all on the Dying Book, it’s become necessary to buy off my Evil Twin. And the bitch is no cheap date, let me tell you. Before she’d even so much as open the new hundred-page document from editorial, she insisted that I buy her the cardamom foot butter she’s been wanting for months now, and a box of the forbidden Trader Joe’s ice-cream bonbons. Outside the store we ran into Miss Bovary, there to purchase her workday lunch; I could hardly look her in the eye, hell-bent on guilty consumption as I was. But if this is what it takes…so be it. I know when I’m beat.

When we got home, I tried to put the bonbons safely in the freezer, but first the Evil Twin helped herself to three, and spent an hour emailing. Finally she read through all the editorial corrections, quite carefully I thought, despite the fact that I was in shivers and tears over them, and she then ferociously composed a lengthy, numbered point-by-point letter to both editor and author-in-name, explaining all the many apparently insoluble problems and addressing all the things they are going to have to do for her before she can proceed further. She’s so much stroppier than I am.

and the postage was only $2.50Then, to reward herself for this mighty achievement, she actually demanded (and was allowed) to go online and buy two cloth pantyliners! Cloth menstrual pads being her latest obsession, which is, I know, kind of bizarre. At least this foible of hers isn’t too costly: of course they won't always look like thiswhen ordered from E-Pads, the little buggers are only $4 each; they’re pretty, and well-made, and will probably last the rest of our menstruating lifetime. Behold, one each in hydrangea and daisy. By the time we’re done with the damn book I’ll probably have a pad stash to rival Obsidian Star’s.

someone left a cookie

  1. miss bovary said on Tuesday 3 Jul 2007 at 10.40 am:

    But you did save me from being flattened by a Subaru!


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