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dear sweet suffering jeebus

Wednesday 19 September 2007 | someone left a cookie

I’m only gonna say one thing, and I’m not gonna post a picture or link to it or anything; it’s up to you to Google or Wiki it if you’re feeling terribly brave. For the purposes of me being ever able to read my own blog again, I confine myself simply to: Palmetto Bug. It’s the Brujo’s birthday (hipy papy bithuthday!); he’s in Santa Fe; and I’m alone in Arizona with a useless whiny princess-cat, an ancient somnolent dog and the biggest giant-ass motherfucking flying sons of bitches I have ever, ever motherfucking seen. It’s ten after one a.m. and I’m too scared to go to bed. Tomorrow’s journeys will take me, undoubtedly and without delay, to Home Depot, where I will purchase many environmentally destructive toxins, poisons and germ warfare—if, that is, I don’t break down tonight and call the 24-hour exterminators, whose ads in the Yellow Pages take handy advantage of the irrational gibbering terror these things apparently provoke in me. I’ve been waiting for two months to see a scorpion, but I was not prepared for the sheer volume of the thing I saw Sunday night, innocently feeling its way around our kitchen counter, inquisitive, almost intelligent-looking, antennae waving delicately in our direction. It didn’t even have the common decency to be frightened of us, or the light. “I’ve never seen you act like this,” said the Brujo, apparently startled by my helpless jumping up and down and shrieking and pointing. We may take slight consolation in the facts that they apparently prefer the outdoors, travel alone and not in herds like their smaller and more prolific German cousins, and, um, have a somewhat less terrifying euphemistic name, like something romantic and tropical that you might find swanning around on beaches in the moonlight. Well, romantic until they get caught in your hair, anyway…. Okay, I have to sedate myself to sleep. One final Bart and Lisa scream, everyone together now: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuugh!

someone left a cookie

  1. leslie said on Wednesday 19 Sep 2007 at 6.40 am:

    Good luck in AZ. Green as they come, and still can’t stand the sight of those icky, crawly vermin.


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