friday refrains · mr. difranco’s soundtrack to february, before & after

Friday 29 February 2008 | I like a cookie

in the jukebox of her memory
the list of names slips by and stops
and she closes her eyes
and smiles as the record drops

and she drinks herself up and out of her kitchen chair
and she dances out of time
as long as she can say
as long as she can say
this dance is mine
this dance is mine

her hair bears silent witness
to the passing of time
tattoos like mile markers
map the distance she has come winning some losing some

she says my sister still calls every sunday night
after the rates come down
and I still can never manage to say anything right
but my whole life blew up
and hears the song begin again and now it’s all coming down

and she says leave me alone
tonight I just want to stay home
and she fills the pot with water
and she drops in the bone

she says I got a darkness
that I have to feed
I got a sadness
it grows up around me like a weed

and I’m not hurting anyone
I’m just spiralling in
and she closes her eyes
and hears the song begin again

she appreciates the phone calls
the consoling cards and such
she appreciates all the people
who come by and try to pull her back in touch

they try to hold the lid down tightly
and they try to shake well
but the oil and the water
they just want to separate themselves

and she drinks herself up and out of her kitchen chair
and she dances out of time
as long as she can say
as long as she can say
this dance is mine
this dance is mine

this dance this dance this dance
this dance this dance
this dance is mine

[”jukebox“]

cradling the softest warmest part of you in my hands
feels like a baby bird fallen from the nest
i think that your body is something i understand
i think that i’m happy i think that i’m blessed

but i’ve had a lack of inhibition
i’ve had a loss of perspective
i’ve had a little bit to drink
and it’s making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there’s got to be more
than this boat i’m in

cause they can call me crazy
if i fail all the chance that i need
is one in a million and they can call me
brilliant if i succeed
car tires & chicken wire gravity is nothing to me
moving at the speed of sound
i’m just going to get my feet wet
until i drown

and i teeter between tired
and really really tired
i’m wiped and i’m wired
but i guess it’s just as well
because i built my own empire
out of car tires and chicken wire
i’m queen of my own compost heap
and i’m getting used to the smell

and i’ve got a lack of information
but i got a little revelation
and i’m climbing up on the railing
trying not to look down
i’m going to do my best swan dive
into shark-infested waters
i’m going to pull out my tampon
and start splashing around

cause i don’t care if they eat me alive
i’ve got better things to do than survive
i’ve got the memory of your warm skin in my hands
and i’ve got a vision of blue blue sky and dry land

i’m cradling the hardest heaviest part of me in my hands
and the ship is pitching and heaving
my limbs are bobbing and weaving
and i think this is one thing i understand
just need a couple vaccinations for my far-away vacation
i’m going to go ahead and go boldly because a little bird told me
that jumping is easy that falling is fun
right up until you hit the sidewalk shivering and stunned

cause they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one in a million and they can call me
brilliant if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me
moving at the speed of sound
i just want to get my feet wet
until i drown

i just want to get my feet wet
until i drown
i just want to get my feet wet
until i drown

[”swandive“]

i do it for the joy it brings
because i am a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
we owe each other the world
i do it cause it’s the least i can do
i do it cause i learned it from you
i do it just because i want to
cause i want to

no? well okay thenand everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong but oh well
the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say
she looks me in the eyes
says would you prefer the easy way
no well okay then don’t cry

i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
and i know there’s no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
and when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know

that i do it for the joy it brings
cause i am a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
we owe each other the world
and i do it cause it’s the least i can do
i do it cause i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
cause i want to

[”joyful girl“]



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